Vote Money

Still not sure who to vote for this time? Take the guesswork out of elections. Vote for the Money Party!

You don't have to choose between Democrat and Republican. You don't even have to go to the trouble of voting! You're still voting for money.

The Money Party platform is simple: rich people deserve to get and keep every dime they can, however they can. That's it! No complicated issues to think about, no campaign promises to break, no opposition party to slow things down.

Are you too busy making a living to follow politics, make an informed decision, and vote? Congratulations, you've been distracted! The Money Party counts on you staying away from the ballot box.

Are you fed up with negative campaign ads, or the sheer number of ads? Or do you just not pay attention and wait for *American Idol* and *Desperate Housewives* to come back on? Congratulations, you've been distracted! The Money Party counts on you staying hypnotized.

Are you following the election like it was some kind of reality show or popularity contest? Do you care about polls, about who's ahead, about the horse race aspect of it all? Congratulations, you've been distracted! The Money Party counts on you ignoring the issues.

Are you listening to the DC pundits, who explain everything in terms of political advantage? Are you listening to the other pundits, who paint the other side as buffoons or criminals? Congratulations, you've been distracted! The Money Party counts on you making partisan and emotional decisions.

Are you fed up with big government? Congratulations, you've been distracted! The Money Party counts on you looking the other way while they let our roads and water lines crumble.

Are you a disciple of laissez-faire capitalism? Congratulations, you've been distracted! The Money Party counts on you allowing them to get away with murder.

For the Money Party, money isn't everything, it's the only thing. Government works when they tell it to work and does what they tell it to do. Tax cuts? Deregulation? Tax breaks for moving jobs overseas? Forcing everyone to buy overpriced health insurance? Bailouts for investment banks? It's all gravy.

Ask not what the Money Party can do for you. They don't care about you.

What ya gonna do? Obviously, most people don't engage in the political process, so let's cut them out of it. People who don't even bother to vote, people who don't know anything about the issues, people who vote with their emotions, none of them deserve a voice. People who do care about voting should show that they're serious and committed to the political process. Let's charge a fee to register, how about, oh, a nice round number, one million dollars? We can stop pretending that your vote matters. You don't have to sit through those ads any more. The real voters can stop making all those bribes and tell their representatives how to vote. Better yet, cut out the middleman, let the real voters write the legislation. They're already doing it, why not make it official?

So vote Money! ... while you can still vote.

But seriously, folks, don't take my word for it. The vast right-wing conspiracy (especially these guys) is doing better than ever. You didn't notice? Congratulations, you've been distracted!